I’ve been in a slump lately. As some of you know, I battle depression and anxiety – mostly stemming from the loss of my son Enzo. For the last couple of months that depression has been heavy and I have been fighting it really hard to overcome and come out in the light (maybe that is why cutting my hair and “starting” over is so important to me). Anyway. it’s been really hard for me to really function – get up, go to work, go for a run, do my homework, focus on my assignments and projects, etc. I end up doing it, but it feels almost half-assed.
Well, I’ve come clean with my aunt, uncle, and two of my best friends. I hinted to my dad that I am struggling and I think he picked up on it but it is really hard for me to flat out admit my demons (it’s the scorpio in me). At this point it’s situational depression on top of the grief. I feel as though the grief manifests through certain situations in my life and during certain times of the year. Stress is also a huge factor. I usually journal, but I haven’t been doing that also for the lack of “care” I should say. Living with depression is hard. It’s an everyday battle and sometimes it’s a battle I lose.
One thing that I tell myself is that I will never give up, it doesn’t matter how bad the depression is or how hard it is for me to function. There are days when I really want to give up. I say I am going to and I feel like this is it, it’s the end. But I never give up. It’s not in me and It’s not who my son would want me to be. Regardless of everything I feel and everything I go through, I fight very hard for Enzo. I run for Enzo, I fight for Enzo, I live for Enzo, and I succeed for Enzo. Enzo is the reason I live. I will never let him down and that is what I remind myself when I hit rock bottom.
One thing I love to do is talk, but when I’m this down the last thing I want to do is talk. My best friends try to help me by asking what they can do but I don’t know how to answer. Be there I guess? I don’t really know. Talking is hard for me when I’m in this bad place. It’s actually easier for me to write or color or scream and cry. Talking is something I do when I’m happy or need a distraction, not when I’m sad and want to be left alone.
At the end of it all, I know I will come out of it. It doesn’t mean I won’t have my down days, but I know I’ll have my fun and light days too. I try to have those days more often. My goal is to be able to enjoy the holidays again. My birthday, Christmas, New Years…I’ll start with those first. Then I can work on Mother’s day and Thanksgiving…and so forth. For now, I just like to tell myself there is and will be a silver lining in all of this. I’ll get there eventually. It just takes time.
Have you or do you know anyone who suffers from depression? What do you do to help or get out of a funk? Leave me some comments below.
So here is an update on my life. First, I am in week 5 of 8 for my two classes. I have never been more excited to be done with classes in my life. Between work and school, I have no life. But that’s going to change soon! Next week I’m taking a road trip down to Miami to see my family and friends. Then in 3 weeks, I’m heading out West to Colorado for a week long trip. A family friend is getting married there and my aunt and I turned it into a vacation while we were at it. That is around the time that my classes end and I’ll have a 3 month break from school!
Also, I made a post a few days ago about the #BlogHer17 conference. This will be my first ever blogging conference. I’m so excited.
So what is the BlogHer? According to their Facebook group, their mission is to “create opportunities for women who blog to pursue exposure, education, community and economic empowerment.” BlogHer is a community of women who blog: reaching an audience of 100 million across premium blogs, Web sites, Pinterest, Facebook and Twitter. Engaged, influential and info-savvy, women come to BlogHer to seek and share advice, opinions and recommendations.
The #BlogHer17 conference is one of the world’s largest conference for women in social media.Their website, BlogHer.com, is the Web’s leading guide to the hottest news and trends among women in social media, renowned as a community where women speak their minds on every topic from politics to parenting in an atmosphere of integrity and respect. Some of the Keynote speakers include Chelsea Clinton and Ana Navarro, and President, Planned Parenthood Federation of America Cecile Richards.
I’m so excited to announce I’m going to my very first blogging conference in a few weeks! I will be attending the #BlogHer17 in Orlando, Fl!
We are already in June! Where has time gone?? I feel like I blinked and it just flew past me. Around this time of the year, I like to make a bucket list of things I want to try and accomplish before the last day of the year. Since I’ve been so busy with work and school the last couple of weeks, I feel like I haven’t gotten a single thing done that I’ve wanted to. This is where it’s left me, the half a year bucket list. So why don’t I just get started?
This bucket list are things I want to have accomplished by the end of 2017. It’s not always completely done, but I like to aim to finish them all. Here we go!
These are just some simple ones, but the list continues. Check below!
I think 10 is enough to go with for now. I can always add some extras later. Hopefully I can check these off as I go this year and actually complete a bucket list!
Do you have a bucket list?
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I want to thank everyone for the love and support I received for this years March of Dimes, March for Babies. We were able to raise $1550! That more than doubled last year’s fundraising goal and pushed us into the Circle of Champions.
Donations are open through June 30th if anyone else would like to donate, but from the bottom of my heart I want to say THANK YOU. I couldn’t have done it without you.
The time has finally come for the Star Wars Dark Side Half Marathon by RunDisney. There are two half marathon weekends which I participate in, on the East coast, and this is the second of the two (Princess is the first). I love Star Wars. Light side is run at Disneyland (I want to try and do that race next year) and Dark Side is here in Orlando. I ran the inaugural race last year, well actually the Dark Side challenge which is the Half marathon and the 10k combined…total of 19.3 miles ran between the two. This year I am completing the 5k, 10k, and Half marathon.
I love running the Dark Side challenge, actually I like running the challenges for any race. There’s something about them that makes me want to do them. Again for this race, I’m running 22.4 miles but that’s because I added the 5k. The last time I ran this much over a weekend period was last year when I participated in the RunDisney Avengers Half Marathon weekend or what became to be known as Superheros Half Marathon (I liked the Avengers name more). It was a blast.
The Dark Side course is different from last years. This is something I am excited about. Last years course was brutal. It is actually where I hurt my knee. The last 6 months I have been dealing with getting better strength in my knee but it’s been a slow progress so this weekend is really going to be a challenge for me however it’s one I plan on winning. I definitely don’t give up on my RunDisney races, especially Princess or the Dark Side challenge.
Since I was little my motto has been “I’m a Jauregui and Jauregui’s don’t quit”. I learned that from my dad and he takes pride in the fact that I live by that motto, except when I ran Princess. He was so mad I ran with such a bad knee because it left me in SO much pain. But I made a personal record and no one was going to take that away from me.
Like I said, in February I made a personal record while running the Princess Half marathon. Well this weekend, hurt or not, I plan on beating that personal record. Of course, I learned my lesson about pushing myself so hard. That just means that if I am in a lot of pain, my priority has to shift but the plan is to beat it. The only thing stopping me is myself and I don’t give up easily so trust me it will be a challenge.
Here’s to the weekend!
For the last two weeks, I have felt slightly overworked. Between the classes for my masters and work, I feel like I have no time for me. The feeling of being burnt out is strong one. I’m slowly getting to the point where one day I’m just going to not be productive nor care about the fact that I feel so burnt out, causing me to miss work. I don’t like to feel this way. For me recognizing the feeling is a sign that I want to change something before it becomes real.
Psych Central does a great job of really broadcasting who is at risk for being burnt out and the signs that you have already become burnt out. I was on Pinterest recently and I came across this wonderful list of signs you are burnt out and it really helped me realize what I was feeling was burnt out. Once I read these signs, I immediately knew I needed to change something, and quickly.
Without reading this article on Psych Central, I probably would have never put two and two together and realized that I needed to refocus and prioritize my life. By doing so, I prevent the feeling of being overworked and I can focus on things that will rejuvenate me making me feel better about life, work, and school. Being a graduate student doesn’t help with the burn out feeling, the work is so demanding and the fact I work full-time as well doesn’t really allow for much “me” time. But I know now that to prevent the feeling of burning out, I need to make that “me” time a priority. Even if it only goes as far as getting my hair done one day. Just the feeling that I am doing something for me alone will help prevent burn out.
I’m Marching for Babies on Saturday, April 29, 2017 to fund research to prevent premature birth and fund services for families of preemies in honor of my son, Enzo. Please join me in supporting this important cause by making a $25 donation to my March for Babies campaign right now. #marchforbabies
For throwback Thursday, I wanted to share some pictures of me with my grandfather who passed away from cancer when I was seven. I can’t even begin to tell you the impact he had on my life even at such a young age. It’s incredible that he’s been gone 20 years and to this day, I still remember our days together and everything he did for me. I have never seen the love he gave me with anyone else and for this I will be eternally greatful. He is and always will be my idol.